I believe that we can choose all the things in life. You do not need to be the chosen one, you can be the chosen one chosen by you.
Sometimes, or most of the time, we feel like we are chosen by other people, like when you seek a job or when you date with someone. However, you do not need to be the chosen side. Instead, you can be the one who chooses. You are the chosen one chosen by you. This is what I believe.
I hated school until I became a college student. The reason was that I could not choose what I study, what time and how long I study, how I dress, what time I wake up or eat lunch… and the list continues. In those days, I was extremely happy on Fridays, because at least weekends I could choose these more or less.
Therefore, when I graduated from high school, I decided that I will be the one who choose these things. Also, I wanted to be an adult who does not need to be excited about the weekend to come on Fridays. This was my statement when I was eighteen when I moved to Tokyo to study at university.
I really liked my college life since I could choose what I study and how I dress and what time I wake up and sleep, not completely free though, but to some extent for sure. And now I am a freelancer, I can choose when I work, and how much amount, with whom, which me really happy.
Today I never look forward to weekends anymore, in fact, I don’t realise it is Saturday when it comes until I leave my flat and see the street is full of people enjoying their day off. And then, I grin a little bit. This is the lifestyle eighteen-year-old Lina wanted, and I have it now.
However, being a freelancer can be very hard. It requires intense self-discipline towards your job, and you need to look for job opportunities all the time. Because I am a freelancer, sometimes I do not have work even if I want to work. If we do not work, we are going to bankrupt sooner or later. And I sometimes freak out.
However, here is a trick. One thing I have realised in these few years.
I realised that I am the one who decided to live like this. I decided to be freelance, and I was aware of the risks. Still, I saw the good points in freelance. I am the one who chose the situation I am in right now. I am the one who wanted this lifestyle, even though there were possibilities that I was going to freak out.
Accordingly, now I want to say to my little myself, me when I was in middle school and high school, that she had a choice, and she was the one who chose. I hated school most of the time, but I went to school unless I had a strong reason to skip classes. I could choose not to go to school, but I did, without realising that I had other options. Middle school is compulsory education, but I could refuse to go to the classroom if I truly wanted. And of course high school is not mandatory. But I didn’t realise the possibility that I could choose. But I went to school, chose to go to school, without being aware that I was choosing.
Now, you might be thinking that you have a family to support, or you have bills to pay, so you do not have a choice but need to go to work you hate every single day. It is true, and it is not.
Here is how I believe. You need to pay rent because you choose to live in the apartment you are living in right now. You can choose to go to your parent’s house or choose to be homeless. But probably you do not want to. You have a couple of choices indeed, but you don’t want any. And You are probably choosing to go to the office because it is less bad than other options.
Even if you don’t want to wake up early in the morning to go to work, you go there anyway. Because it is the rule? Well, in this case, you can be late for work. But you probably try to show up in the office on time because you might want to be responsible to other colleges, or you might want to have a good evaluation from your boss. Whatever the reason is, you are unconsciously choosing all your choices.
By not choosing, you are choosing. Not choosing, or being unable to choose, is also a choice. This sounds extreme, but I believe every choice is under our thumb.
And I also believe it is a great thing that you hate work or study but you do it anyway. Let’s say, you have a family who you really need to support, so you need to go to work no matter what, even if you hate your job so bad. However, it sounds a great thing that you have a person, or people, who you want to support even if it is extremely painful to work.
There are lonely people out there who do not have a family even if they really want one, or lost all the family members they really loved. Maybe these people prefer working in a painful situation if they can be with the one they love.
You can choose to quit the painful job anytime, but you are choosing to keep the job for the people you love. It also sounds a heroic thing to me. I think every single person working for their family to support them even though the job is tough should be considered heroes.
You are the special one for yourself. And you can be the person you want to be.